Exodus 18:
Parashah Yitro/ A personal Midrash
He loaded the donkeys with their
possessions and they set forth on the long voyage to find her husband in the
desert. Zipporah led one animal, on its
back her sons Gershom (meaning I have been a stranger there) and Eliezar (whose
name meant my God is help) - both apprehensive about meeting the father they
didn’t remember, the man of legend.
Jethro, Zipporah’s father, Moses’ father-in-law led the other animal,
burdened with many bundles. For days
they wandered in the hot sun, barely speaking, each engaged in internal
struggle envisioning the future. Jethro
tempered his great resentment towards Moses, with a level of pride. As a
Midianite priest he could understand the need to follow God’s command, but he
could not imagine doing so without his family by his side. It was time for his daughter to be a
wife. Time for his grandsons to have a
father. Jethro, himself, was too old to
begin raising sons again.
Zipporah,
walking beside her father, rope in her hand, was filled with apprehension. Would Moses be disappointed at her
return? Could he have a family and be a
leader? Did he want them in his life?
And
on the back of the braying animal, sat two terrified boys, frightened of
meeting their great father- the man who had battled Pharaoh, and led the
Israelites through the parted sea.
Exodus
18 verse 5, “ Jethro, Moses’ father-in-law brought Moses’ sons and wife to him
in the wilderness, where he was encamped at the Mountain of God.” Moses went out to greet his family with joy
and spent the evening with Jethro, recounting the struggles towards freedom.
But the next day, Moses went back to work sitting as judge over the people from
the rising of the sun until far into the night.
The dinner that Zipporah had prepared went cold, the two boys off to
sleep without a kiss from their father.
When Jethro saw how much time Moses
spent counseling the people, he said, “Why do you act alone, while all the
people stand about you from morning to evening?” Moses replied, “When people have a dispute it
comes before me and I decide between man and his neighbor. I make known the teachings of God.” And Moses’ father-in-law said to him
Lo Tov haDvar asher ata oseh!!!!
This thing you are doing is not
right!!!! You will surely wear yourself
out and these people as well. For the task is too heavy for you, you cannot do
it alone. Enjoin upon the people the laws and teachings, and make known to them
the way they are to go....
What a message and how apt for us
today- Moses spent so much time trying to meet the needs of others at work,
that what was most important to him, was lost. It took Jethro, father-in-law,
and non-Jew to teach our greatest leader how to lead the Jewish people and
model a balanced lifestyle.
The message
is simple but powerful. We, like Moses,
are human beings and therefore cannot do it all by ourselves. To even think that we can is pure arrogance
because it abrogates the need for other people. Although painful to admit, the
office still runs when we are not there, things get fixed, letters get out and
patients are seen. As reporter Bill Wilson said, “it seems absolutely necessary
for most of us to get over the idea that man is God.” To set limits is to be fundamentally human,
essentially limited and not God. We have limits. Moses had limits. Perhaps he
was unwilling to delegate responsibility because he was afraid that someone
else would not approach the task with his vision. Or perhaps he feared that in delegating
responsibility, he would lose ultimate power. Whatever the reason, the need to
be needed as the sole owner of God’s word fed something deep inside of Moses-
an innate hole that could not be filled by self. And humility was turned into arrogance.
The
Hasidic masters teach about humility through a tale. One day a Rabbi, in a frenzy of religious
passion, rushed in before the ark, fell to his knees and began beating his
breast crying loudly, “I am nobody. I am
nobody”. The cantor, impressed by the
Rabbi’s display of humility also fell upon his knees chanting, “I am
nobody. I am nobody.” The Shamus, who took care of the building,
couldn’t restrain himself from joining in and bend beside the two on the floor
echoing their chant. At which point, the
Rabbi nudging the cantor, with his elbow pointed at the Shamus uttered “Look
who thinks that he is nobody.” Humility
for show, is not humility at all- it is only conceit. At this point in his life, Moses needed to be
taught to step back and relinquish some of his power- not only for the success
of the Israelites coming together as a people, but also for the survival of his
own family.
Parashah
Yitro teaches the importance of balance in life- Rabbi Kroloff’s vision for the
rabbinate and something much easier said than done- as we all know. We work hard to attain the goal of success.
Moses’ goal was trying to balance the needs of the people Israel and God (if we
think we have it bad, imagine his job) , but in the process he never saw his
family- in fact while he was in arguing against Pharaoh, his wife and sons were
in Midian. This perhaps, the longest business trip ever taken. In the Jewish
tradition work is honored, but far more honored is the commandment to procreate
and teach your children. In fact, God informs
us in Proverbs 22:6 that if we train up a child in the way he should go, even
when he is old, he shall not depart from that path. It’s difficult to teach a child when you are
an absentee parent- its difficult to reach intimacy without time for intimacy.
In today’s
world, relationships are the same struggle that they were during Biblical
times. People work long hours, travel
extensively and juggle careers with families.
There seem to be more factors trying to pull families apart than keep
them together. Part of this is due to the fact that our society treasures the
disposable. We have fast food, one hour
film developing, and cell phones so that we are always within reach. Technology
moves so quickly that by the time we buy the newest computer, there is already
something better. But relationships are not automatic- and there is not an
easier model around the corner. Intimacy is not immediate and everlasting. We
do not know our children without spending time with them. We do not grow old
with our spouse without struggling through many obstacles and communicating
even when communication seems to be the most difficult challenge on earth.
Nothing can be built for longevity without first laying a balanced foundation.
Jethro taught Moses this, we learn through trial and error.
V’yomer Hotein Moshe aleiv, lo tov
ha-Dvar asher ata…. V’yishma Moshe. Moses’ father-in-law said to him, “This
thing you are doing is not good… and Moses listened.” We too need to listen to
the voice of Jethro and find balance through humility. We need to spend more
time with those we love because the more we give to our children, to our loved
ones, to our communities the more we give to ourselves. Jethro’s message echoed
in the words of Hillel: Eim Ain Ani li mi li, she’asani l’atzmi mah ani, v’im
ain achshav eimatai- If I am not for myself who will be for me. If I am only
for myself what am I. If not now, when.
